Post dramatic syndrome

Proverbs 29:25: Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

I've recently been thinking a great deal about what drives me, what gives me enjoyment, what fears do I have, and most of those things are -- it seems to me -- things that are self-inflicted, self-motivated, or self-denied.

I am, as my mother so quaintly said for many years, a worry-wart. Now, I'm not exactly sure what the clinical definition of worry-wart is, but apparently I was one (or am one) of those.

This I do know: I have difficulty being assertive for fear of my temper rising out of control. I say that seldom if ever, but that's simply the truth. My way of making sure that green thing called temper stays completely in check is to simply not be assertive in situations with people that need to be told no on occasioin. I go along, stay in the middle, try my best to get along even if, especially if, I disagree.

That's called coping.

And coping can drive someone nuts. There are things in this life I deeply disagree with, but I am hesitant to say that sometimes because of fear of man and fear of myself, quite frankly. There are things I believe with my heart and mind that if I said them would either bring on a terrible argument or would get me called names that I'm not. I notice the other day how often folks disagree now and all heck breaks loose when the initial disagreemnt was not earth-shaking in the first place.

The things that keep me from enjoyment come from this DNA root.

What to do? Oh, what to do?

Well, I could begin (you could begin) by paying attention to the rest of the line of scripture. "...whoever trust in The Lord is kept safe," the proverb says.

So, it's not about how I am with others. It's about how I am with The Lord of my life. John Wesley asked the question this way: "How is it with your soul?"

For our souls are the epic center of our salvation, but I think they are also the epic center of the way we live. In other words, if you ae sure of your salvation, that wonderful time in the future by and by, then it has to affect the way you live. It has done so in my life. I am more able to be quietly assertive, but not completely because I am not a finished product.

Better, but not best.

That's still to come, I believe.